Setting Boundaries for Inner Peace: Your Guide to Healthy Relationships

The Power of Boundaries: Protect Your Energy, Protect Your Peace

Why It Matters:

Asserting Your Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a profound act of self-love. It shows that you value both yourself and your relationships, supporting mutual growth and respect with those willing to evolve. Some of these examples come from the former page, @childtraumaheal, on Instagram.

It Is My Job To:

• Heal myself

• Listen to my needs

• Respect my time and energy

• Stay true to my authentic self

• Set healthy boundaries that protect my peace

• Leave situations where I’m not valued

• Say "no" to things that don’t align with my values

• Be mindful with my “yes”

It Is Not My Job To:

• Heal or fix others

• Please others at my own expense

• Maintain one-sided relationships

• Compromise without mutual effort

• Tiptoe around others’ expectations

• Anticipate others’ needs

• Change myself to fit someone else’s ideal

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The Breakdown:

So what are Boundaries?

Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits we create to define how we want to be treated by others, and they protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They act as clear indicators of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior from others and help maintain healthy relationships. By setting boundaries, we establish limits around what we are willing to accept or tolerate, allowing us to communicate our needs and prioritize self-care.

Boundaries can be:

• Physical (e.g., personal space and privacy)

• Emotional (e.g., not taking on others’ emotional burdens)

• Mental (e.g., respecting differing opinions and thoughts)

• Time-based (e.g., setting limits on availability)

Healthy boundaries are essential for balanced relationships, mutual respect, and personal autonomy. They empower us to maintain our sense of self, protect our energy, and foster connections based on mutual understanding and trust.

Examples of Healthy Boundary Language:

• “It hurts when you use sarcasm with me. I’d love to keep talking if we can do so respectfully.” (Expressing a healthy limit)

• “I’ve been feeling lonely. I see a relationship as a place for support and connection. Can we work on that together?” (Being vulnerable and inviting teamwork)

• “I miss our quality time. Are you free this Friday for a date—just us two?” (Making a direct request)

• “I trust my feelings, and I understand that they may feel big for you. But this is truly what I need.” (Defining feelings and needs for yourself)

Examples of Unhealthy Boundary Language:

• “Everyone else’s partners spend more time with them. You should be around more.” (Comparing, controlling)

• “Fine, go out with your friends. I guess I’m just not important.” (Sulking, emotional manipulation)

• “If you cared, you wouldn’t do things without me.” (Controlling, emotional blackmail)

• Yelling, screaming, name-calling, or purposely ignoring someone to punish them. (Emotional abuse)

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Get more comfortable being uncomfortable. Embrace the discomfort to grow stronger.

My Journey:

I first learned about boundaries a few years ago while reading the book Boundaries (listed on our Resources page). My therapist recommended I explore this topic because, as they pointed out, the family I grew up in—and likely the generations before us—had no foundation for understanding healthy boundaries. Knowledge isn’t just powerful; it’s life-changing.

Growing up, I saw well-intentioned, loving people sacrifice themselves constantly to please others. They allowed themselves to work tirelessly to make others happy, often pushing themselves to the point of physical and emotional exhaustion, trauma, and even illness. I also saw examples of others who were comfortable allowing themselves to accept this sacrifice, letting others take care of everything for them. Both of these types of people lost a part of themselves, though in different ways.

Naturally, I became a young version of the self-sacrificing type, thinking it made me a “good person.” What I didn’t realize was that it also made me resentful, quick to blame others for things I was unknowingly allowing. Without realizing it, I was playing out my part in my family’s unhealthy dynamic.

I was afraid—afraid of conflict, afraid to stand up for myself, afraid to lose the people close to me, even when I wasn’t being treated well. This people-pleasing mindset led to deep, unhealed trauma and, in a way, paved the path for later illnesses. These illnesses forced me to stop and reevaluate, to advocate for myself, to look inward, and to examine the difficult, generational behaviors I had inherited. By creating a genogram (also on our Resources page), I could see both the admirable qualities and the challenging patterns passed down through my family.

This reflection brought boundaries into my life. At first, they were forced upon me, which felt painful and even like abandonment, but now I realize they were my spirit guides protecting me from what I would’ve otherwise continued to allow. Later, as I examined our unhealthy patterns more closely, I began setting my own boundaries. It wasn’t a smooth process, and it came with pain and guilt, but it was absolutely necessary for my healing.

Applying boundaries opened the door to real healing, providing a sense of safety I had never felt before. This boundary work led to powerful self-realizations and much-needed changes within myself. I began to see medical opportunities emerge to help address my illnesses and found the courage to tackle my mental health and brain injury. Eventually, this journey led me to a calling to share what I’ve learned with others. Not because I feel responsible for changing or healing them, as I once did, but because this knowledge—though often costly and hard to come by—could be transformative for others too. I wanted to create a space, like The Mindful Balance, where anyone could find these tools, learn from them, and share them.

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Your Turn:

Let’s Talk Boundaries: Your Wins and Lessons Learned

Boundaries can be tricky! Whether it’s learning to say “no” or keeping your energy protected, we want to hear your journey. What has worked for you, and what are your boundary-setting challenges?

Until next time,

Want to keep the learning going?

Go for it!

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